Awhile back I made a post about trying to forgive someone for something they did, but no matter how much I wanted to I just couldn’t.  Now, I find myself in the EXACT same situation with this same person … again.  Unfortunately, I don’t think he sees anything wrong with what he did … again.  I was angry first.  Then hurt.  Now I’m just sad.  I actually feel kinda stupid for even having any hope at all, but I am mostly sad that there just really seems to not even be any value in our friendship at all from his standpoint.  It’s one thing to hurt someone, but it’s a whole other matter to hurt them intentionally.  Meh, I don’t even feel like talkin about it anymore.

I have a very busy day ahead tomorrow.  And from the way shit looks, it appears I have a very busy weekend ahead of me too, one I had not planned on.  But on the other hand, I am feeling a sense of relief because “he” is going to be gone for several days and I shall get some much needed space there.  Unfortunately, my cohort in crime is leaving for a week starting next week.  I’m kinda sad over it but happy at the same time cause I know he needs it.

Fuckin’ everyone is gettin vacations but ME!

I miss you, Monkeyballs.  I’m neglected and whiney.

And my “whatever” man…you failed to call me tonight!  We gots bidness to talk!

 

Nobody loves me and I miss my fuckin’ bears.  I bet they’d love me.

So I had to give a presentation tonight in my class about a product called Camera-mouse. Hands-free computer control…only to find out that it isn’t offered anymore to anyone…how interesting. Basically had to talk about how it would be beneficial for people with special needs, etc. because I’m getting my masters’ in special ed. I have to know these types of things. Whatever…that was boring and probably not how I should’ve started out my second blog.

I’m have some problems with my so called love life. I gave up on men a while back, they’re all douche bags, all of ‘em. I was with a fem for 3 years only to get cheated on (what a bitch) and made the huge mistake last weekend of sleeping with her again. Ugh I need to be smacked because now she won’t leave me alone. I was in need of some booty…that’s all, and now she thinks we’re getting back together blah blah. Part of me misses her but the other part of me won’t let it happen again. I’ve been hurt way too many times in the past; by men mostly which is why I gave up on them. I think I’m destined to be alone for the remainder of my life. I’m confused, don’t really know what I want as of right now…I should enjoy being single right? Is there such a thing as “once a cheater always a cheater”? I don’t know how I feel about that. I need time

Something I noticed about myself, and find a little strange, is that I’m a way private person IRL but on the internet, I’ll post all of my personal problems for the world to read. I’m pretty sure it’s because my IRL friends will judge me and I don’t need any more damn drama in my life. It doesn’t really matter to me if internet people judge me, mostly people don’t care. I have made some amazing friends on the sites who I talk to regularly and share things with them that I’d never share with anyone of my close friends. I just kinda find it funny. Maybe it’s more of a “well who are they gonna tell anyways?” Because if I spill the beans and they tell people they know, those people don’t know me anyway. So it really doesn’t matter what strangers think of me, right? Well, just as long as I’m liked

So glad it’s Thursday tmw. Only two more days ’til the weekend. Once summer hits I’ll be done with my masters’, have a long summer to catch up on my life and hopefully take a vacay and then I’ll get a nice fat raise in fall when I go back to work how exciting. I’m really glad I went for the masters’. Even better that it’s for special ed. That’s where the moolah is.

There just aren’t enough hours in a day.

Well, I’m the spankin’ new she-blogger Abbie mentioned in her post early this morning. For those who don’t know me, I’m Angie from GWC/NNC (no I’m not a model). Geez, I’ve been at GWC since Steve first opened it; crazy long time. But anyways. I’ll post some interesting tidbits about me at a later time (possibly tonight).  Just thought I would introduce myself for the time being, get my feet wet. Give Abbie a ‘holla’ what’s girl :-p.

Just finished work and now I’m off to be the student. Oh the joys of getting a masters’ blah.

I was going to blog last night but I got tired.  I was going to have this deep discussion on toilet paper.  I was on the phone with Steven yesterday and he decided to be his sick self and dookie while I was on the phone with him (yeah, he’s a weirdo like that).  So anyway, I got to thinking about toilet paper.  I noticed over a week ago while grocery shopping that all the toilet paper is white now….WTF is up with that??  You used to be able to buy pink toilet paper, light blue toilet paper, etc.  But now when you go to buy shit it’s all white!  It’s a racist thing I tell ya.  So anyway, what has happened to all the pretty colors of toilet paper?

So anyway, I stayed busy yesterday.  I had to do some mommy things all morning and I raided the mall in the afternoon.  God, it was a bitch.  I didn’t realize that there was some sort of St. Patty’s day parade downtown and that traffic would be so fucked up.  That alone had me in traffic for well over an hour.

Someone had recently got me an Ipod Nano with some killer music on it.  He knows my taste quite well!  Anyway, believe it or not, I had never been part of the Ipod revolution.  I’ve been content with my sexy Inno and my phone for my MP3 needs.   I found myself completely in love with the Ipod and decided to stop off at the Apple store yesterday and get an even bigger one because I love it so much.  So I settled on a sexy black 80 GB Ipod.  Yes, I’m a gadget whore.  But part of my reason for giving into the bigger Ipod was because of the tv shows and audiobooks (which are large files) that I can add to it along with the sexy music my buddy sent me.  He so rocks for turning me onto the Ipod.  I’ll still use the Nano for the gym, roller blading, etc but now I have the big Ipod for everything else.  Why didn’t anyone turn me onto the Ipod sooner!  Slack ass mofos.

So anyway, I took the spawn out to eat at the RainForest Cafe and then made various other purchases.  Of course I ended up buying more shoes, new jeans, more sweats, and other gear.  I did buy a few Dragonflies.  You can check out a video of the Dragonfly HERE.  It’s pretty cool and I picked up a couple extra ones for the BIG kids in my life.  They’re pretty cheap and I got 2 for $79.99 so I ended up buying 4 all together.  Plus I think it’ll drive my kitties crazy. 

It was nice to have a chill day and not do too much work.  But of course that didn’t last long.  The girls enjoy blowing up my text messages with stupid stuff.  I also had a billion emails I came home to.  But it was kinda nice because I got to play with my new Ipod while I did the email game.  Itunes is going to get rich off of me (not for music but for tv shows and books).  I’ll be keeping my LimeWire Pro for my music.  I also realized I still have Napster from my Inno that I pay a monthly subscription for that I never use.  Guess I need to get rid of that as I never used it anyway.  I have a horrible habit of signging up for shit and forgetting to cancel it.  I have a full online Playboy subscription with access to all their sites that I don’t use either but I still pay for.  I’m a lamer.

So anyway, I read Steven’s post below me. 

“The person who I love most in this world doesn’t realize that by the time they decide to take any action it’s going to be too late.”

I’d be willing to bet that this person is very aware of your feelings and has acknowledged her feelings for you as well, however, the past is the past and sometimes it’s just better to let things go.  Who knows what the future may hold, but don’t try to force her into something she is not ready for right now.  Maybe she isn’t in a place to give you what you want at this moment.  And if you love her as much as you say, then don’t be selfish and keep pushing her.  Let her take care of herself right now and do what she needs to do to take care of her and her family :)  If things were meant to be then they will happen, but if not, be happy for her.  She’d want you to be happy too.

P.S. I love your sappy side.  Sappy men are awesome in my book.

1. A is for age: 20 something

2. B is for beer of choice: icky

3. C is for career right now: Webmistress aka Queen of the Internet

4. D is for your dog’s name: Capone

5. E is for essential item you use everyday: Cell Phone

6. F is for favorite TV show at the moment: Law & Order SVU

7. G is for favorite game: Solitaire Showdown (MSN Messenger)

8. H is for Hometown: Cairo

9. I is for instruments you play: Violin and Piano

10. J is for favorite juice: Apple

11. K is for whose butt you’d like to kick: the list is too long

12. L is for last place you ate: Zoopa’s

13. M is for marriage: hopefully someday…like ten years from now

14. N is for your full name: Nunya Mother Fuckin’ Bidness

15. O is for overnight hospital stays: usually the kidney stuff

16. P is for people you were with today: family

17. Q is for quote: “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer”

18. R is for Biggest Regret: Not listening to my gut instinct about some stuff awhile back

19. S is for status: Single, not really looking

20. T is for time you woke up today: 6am-ish??

21. U is for underwear you have on now: boy shorts

22. V is for vegetable you love: carrots

23. W is for worst habit: cussing too much

24. X is for x-rays you’ve had: wrist / arm

25. Y is for yummy food you ate today? chicken tiki, rice, toast, cauliflower, green apple

26. Z is for the zodiac sign? Libra

 
I think it would be interesting if OTHER people would do this  HINT HINT HINT

I had a really great talk tonight with someone near and dear to me.   I really value what few “true” friends I have.  I feel a bit more relaxed than I was earlier today as a result of talking with them.  Sometimes I wish I were more social and trusted more people, but other times I’m pretty content with my small world.

Despite my online persona and how much I seem to be “out here” and all over the net leaving my mark, I’m really a pretty private person.  Yes, I know I am e-popular.  I know I am well-liked.  I know I have awesome networking skills and a great personality.  But despite being a bit well-known, very very few people really “know” me.  I’ve been letting some of these people get to me lately.  It just seems as if I’ve been hit by so many phoney people lately.  People want free plugs for their sites, their music, etc.  People want to get close to the models.  People want free content.  People just want something.  It’s gettin really old.  People are shallow and self-serving.

I just cleaned my spawn’s toilet.  I inhaled too many cleaners.  I think that’s why I’ve been having headaches.  I’ve been a migraine mess the last two days off and on.  They seem to ease up if i rest and pop some Excedrin but it refuses to fully go away. 

I think I’m gonna call it an early night.  I’m behind on sleep.

The infamous pompous ass, 12-Pack finally got his wannabe-famous-cause-i-fucked-flava flav’s-leftovers ass from the “I Love New York” show on VH1.  I have long wanted his stupid ass gone.  God, I could only imagine how enormous his stupid ego would have been if he had won.  He finally showed his true colors and intentions last night.  He admitted that he was only there for the fame because he wanted to become an actor and “get any job” he wants.  Dave, darling, do you really think scrogging that trashy skank is going to further your career?  If anything, I think you’ve only damaged yourself for even acting as you did on that show with Tiffany (aka Miss New York) and showing how greedy and selfish you are.  People don’t wanna work with that.  He’s probably the kind of guy who beats off to this kinda criticism.   He would actually be a halfway decent guy if he knocked out the ego trip.

So anyway, what I haven’t mentioned about the “I Love New York” show is that this blog actually brought me into contact with one of those handsome devils.  I had mentioned him in my blog post back on Februay 13th.   Wil aka Onix somehow came across that blog post and emailed me.  He’s quite different from how I would have imagined him to be.  He’s a super sweet, down-to-earth guy.  He’s been spoiling me with some amusing cellphone pics, including some from the other night where he and some of the other ILNY boys were doing some promo work at a club.   I won’t share :)  but I will say he is really so different from those wild boys.  That is a good thing.  Go add him on MySpace.  I think it’s a bit amusing that this blog actually lured him into my lair ;)  I guess it just goes to show that you really shouldn’t judge people without really talking to them first.  Not that I thought he was a bad guy, he was just way more down-to-earth than I expected.  He should come outta his shell (cough:hint:cough).

I’ve been on a spring cleaning kick the last two days.  I think it’s been because of the nice weather (FINALLY!!).  It has helped my mood as well.  I’ve been very stressed lately, primarily over missing Gramma.  One of the things I do when I am stressed out is the whole cleaning thing.  I do have some OCD tendencies.  It drives the spawn insane.  But I get nutty about organization and things being clean.  I even ride Steven’s ass about keeping shit organized on our sites.  He hates it.  Oh fuckin’ well.

So I went out today and bought some closet organizing shit and started pulling out some shit I had planned on putting into storage anyway since I’m returning to NY.  I think I’m going to end up saving myself a shit ton of storage space.  Most of it was old clothes, bedding and shoes.  So I think I’ll end up making a big haul over to GoodWill and giving away a ton of shit.  I have a terrible habit of buying clothes and shoes I will never even wear…so off they go to charity with the tags still attached.  I shall dive into the kidlette chaos tomorrow.  I’m always afraid of what I shall find in there.  I keep waiting for live creatures to come rushing out at me whenever I venture into his room.  Sadly, my OCD has not yet brushed off on him.  He is a complete slob.  I think he does it to spite me.  But, I shall suffer and get stuff cleaned out and boxed up for storage.

Oddly, I think part of all of this is kind of a fresh start for me.  I have many things changing in my life right now.  Good things.  I’ve earned it.

 

1) What’s their nickname?
“Yer Stupid”

 

I’m feeling a good deal better.  I’m now trying to see if I can catch up on some work.  I’m watching The Departed as I do so.  Love this fuckin movie.  One of the best I have seen in a very long time.  There is a brilliance in this story.  I do enjoy a good book / movie with several plot twists.  I hate predictability.  I’m the same way in relationships … I love stability, but I hate predictability.  Does that make sense?

Anyway, fantastic movie.  Definitely worth purchasing the DVD.  Don’t rent it.  You’ll want to watch it over and over.  You’ll catch things around the second and third time that you didn’t catch the first time checking it out. 

I’m buried in work.  I’ve also got to rush and get my ass together finishing up the planning etc for Granny’s party.  So many loose ends to tie up.  Others are offering to help me but I’m anal about details and I always worry that someone else isn’t going to do it right.  I’m particular like that.  I do that with work as well. 

On a good work note, I am very very happy about something I accomplished this evening with Steven.  I think his eyes have been opened a bit in regards to all of the work some of my staff is doing.  As a result they are getting nice fat raises.  I’m happy though.  I appreciate my staff.  I love the work that they do for us.  I love that they have been so loyal for so long.  They have been wish us from the beginning and at first made nothing with us.  So it’s good to see them sharing in our success in more ways than one. 

It’s rare to find such loyalty in employees.  It’s rare to have such loyalty in friends.  In this day and age, loyalty is worth far more than fame and money. 

I told myself I’d be staying off the computer until I felt better, but naturally I cannot do that.  I did, however, do very little “work”.  I’m feelin gross.  I can’t sleep because everytime I do fall asleep i can’t stay asleep because I cannot breathe due to my sinuses being retarded.

I don’t really know what I wanna post here.  I’m laying in bed channel surfing.  TV is so lame.  Even CNN is boring tonight.  RSS feeds aren’t that exciting tonight either.  I just want to fall asleep and not get up for a week.  I think it’s shitty that once I start getting into a good workout routine again that my body takes a big shit on me.  Some wiseass who shall remain nameless told me that maybe my body is telling me to slow down…I have been working a lot lately and trying to do a great deal with the spawn as well as other family things.  These next two weeks are going to be even more hectic. 

I have decided I am going to set myself up a vacation in April.  I’m going to a top secret spot.  No computer, no cell phone, no spawn…just a good book and peace & quiet.  That’s another thing.  I can’t even read a book lately!  By time I’m ready to curl up in bed and read, I am just too tired to do so.  I even got the new James Patterson book but haven’t had the time to dive into it.

I’m going to go eat more ice and lay down.  I hope the sleep gods find me soon.