I can’t stand it. No matter how hard I try to hate her I can’t do it. Last night I hung out with her (my ex) and some of her cousins. We went to a pool hall (that was pretty dull, there was no one there and it was Friday night). Then ended up going to Dave and Busters for some drinks and games. It was really a fun time. I only had two drinks at D&B and I was pretty tipsy. I’m sure it was from not eating anything since noon though, I usually have a really high tolerance. Her cousins are so funny I was laughing my ass off all night. The night ended at Denny’s (wow, haven’t been there in years…now I remember why). There were two people sitting in a booth behind us; one was a man and the other was someone that was dressed as a woman…but was totally a man. Not that I have anything against trans. but lol he was so ugly. Danny was freaking out cause he thought she was checking him out. I was dying lol.

I had a great time. It almost made me forget all about what happen in the past and want to start over. Why is it that we set ourselves up for a fall? I want to trust, I want to forgive and forget…but I don’t want to get hurt again. I have a hard time trusting anyone, let alone someone that’s really hurt me and really broke my heart. I don’t know what to do. The “It” factor is still there, still way attracted and I know I’m still in love. I’m not a robot, I can’t just turn off my feelings. I guess I’ll just give it time and let the pieces fall where they may.

Big plans tonight. Already talked about them in another post, but my girlfriends are taking me out to get drunk lol in celebration of my birthday last week. So that’ll definitely be a good time. This is already shaping up to be one of the best weekends of the year so far. I love my friends.

-Ang

I had a great day…(til I talked to Steven).  I spent the day with my Great Aunt who is here from the UK.  I have never met her until about a month ago when she came out here for the birthday party that never happened.  She is 90 years old.  She is an incredible woman.  Over the past week or so she has been here with me and I have truly enjoyed having her around.  I have learned so much about my family and some of our history.  So many members of my family are so prudish and hush-hush about certain parts of our family history.  Getting to meet her has allowed me to fill in some gaps.

She’s so full of life.  She walks without assistance, she has her wits about her, etc.  She’s quite active for someone her age.  She talks so openly and freely.  I just love her to death and wish I had met her before now.  She’s returning to the UK tomorrow.  I admit I’m a bit sad about it.  Who knows when or if I will ever get to see her again.  I do plan on staying in touch with her and writing to her.  I miss her already

Earlier this evening I had a wonderful time with someone else.  I truly adore my friends.  One friend in particular has really been there for me lately.  I’ve been a horrid moody bitch the last month or so.  I know exactly what is wrong and I shouldn’t take it out on others, but I have.  I am just feeling as if some things are out of control and out of reach for me right now.  The spoiled girl in me is used to getting my way.  It’s been a reality check to have to be patient and wait and try to figure out the next step.  I’m frustrated.  I wish I could control things going on, but I can’t.  It’s hard to swallow. 

I want something badly.  Very badly.  But I can’t have it…yet. If ever? Who knows.

Angie’s post kinda blends in well with my day.  Alcohol seems to be today’s theme.  I never really realized just how many people in my life have issues with drugs and alcohol.  I’m not going to go into details at all and I will respect their privacy, but it really kinda surprised me today when I sat back and thought about the number of people in my life, of all ages, who have their issues with drugs and alcohol.

I will say, however, that I do have an older sister with a cocaine problem.  She has now officially bailed out of treatment for the third time.  Her problem has somehow become everyone’s problem in one form or another.  Daddy swears he won’t give her money anymore blah blah but then he ends up giving her money anyway.  I think he blames himself for her problem.  You have to realize that my father is an alcoholic, but he has been sober for many many years.  I think since I was like pre-teen age.  I don’t really remember many incidents that stick out in my mind too much that involved his drinking.  He was one of those “gotta hide the habit” types and would lock himself in his den and drink til he passed out on the sofa in there.  I am unsure if there was a certain event that made him clean up and get his act together, but I suspect it was something with his job or partners.  Every once in a blue moon he still pops into an AA meeting. 

Maybe because Daddy understands her addiction more than us who haven’t gone down that road is why he is more tolerant or lenient.  I don’t know.  I love my sister.  I raise her son.  But she also makes me very angry.  She takes so much for granted.  I kinda think that she’s having troubles not just dealing with mom’s death almost 2 years ago, but i think she is having problems with Daddy’s illness.  She has no coping skills and she freely admits it.  I hate sitting on the sidelines and watching her do this to herself and her son and our entire family.  It’s a very helpless feeling. 

I find some hope and some faith in others around me.  In many ways, some of the alcoholics and former drug addicts I know help me to realize that people can bounce back from their addictions.  Some may relapse or fall down, but yet they get right back up and keep moving forward.  I don’t expect my sister to be perfect.  I don’t expect her to not have her bad days.  But I just wish she would try and I wish she could find it within herself to take control of her problem before she ends up in jail or even dead.  I dread the day I get a phone call saying she has overdosed and I have to tell her son that. 

I can only live my life.  I can’t make her choices for her.  I can offer her help and be supportive.  But she is the one who needs to make the decision to change things.  I was talking with a friend tonight about how some people just have to hit rock bottom before deciding to get help with their problems.  I was hoping that wouldn’t be the case with her, but more and more I think that is what it is going to take.  I don’t wish bad things on her, but I secretly hope at times that her wake up call will come soon.  She’s needed by our family right now.  It would be nice if we could count on her.

In the meantime, I handle my own life.  Things with a couple of my friends today just got me thinking about my sister a lot tonight.  Those friends give me hope because they have come so far with their own alcohol and drug problems.  I guess I never really realized how many people I know with these issues.  I’m grateful I’m a boring nerd at times!  My only addiction being the box of sex toys in my bedroom and Starbucks.

And it’s Friday! I can’t wait…I plan on getting so hammered Saturday that I can’t remember my own name hehe. See, my birthday was last Friday and I was supposed to go out with some girlfriends on the Sat. after but couldn’t because I was feeling sick…so they’re gonna make it up to me this weekend. Woohoo! I would marry vodka if I could. No seriously.

Having housemate problems. Her and her boyfriend are seriously NUTS. They scare me and my sister. They fight, physically and verbally constantly. Just last Tuesday he head-butted her and her forehead split. It was pretty nasty. So I called the police and they took him away. Low and behold the asshole is back. His problem is alcohol, he can’t handle it so when he drinks after they fight (which he does just to spite her) he goes seriously insane. I’m almost considering asking my housemate to leave and have it just be my sister and I living here. I’m just a little nervous he’s gonna go after me one day, he hasn’t yet; but it could happen.

No big news to report today. It’s kinda gloomy out which is a little depressing. But it’s supposed to be nice tmw so at least it’ll kick the weekend off right :). I’m off to eat, I’m starving!

-Ang

So I had to give a presentation tonight in my class about a product called Camera-mouse. Hands-free computer control…only to find out that it isn’t offered anymore to anyone…how interesting. Basically had to talk about how it would be beneficial for people with special needs, etc. because I’m getting my masters’ in special ed. I have to know these types of things. Whatever…that was boring and probably not how I should’ve started out my second blog.

I’m have some problems with my so called love life. I gave up on men a while back, they’re all douche bags, all of ‘em. I was with a fem for 3 years only to get cheated on (what a bitch) and made the huge mistake last weekend of sleeping with her again. Ugh I need to be smacked because now she won’t leave me alone. I was in need of some booty…that’s all, and now she thinks we’re getting back together blah blah. Part of me misses her but the other part of me won’t let it happen again. I’ve been hurt way too many times in the past; by men mostly which is why I gave up on them. I think I’m destined to be alone for the remainder of my life. I’m confused, don’t really know what I want as of right now…I should enjoy being single right? Is there such a thing as “once a cheater always a cheater”? I don’t know how I feel about that. I need time

Something I noticed about myself, and find a little strange, is that I’m a way private person IRL but on the internet, I’ll post all of my personal problems for the world to read. I’m pretty sure it’s because my IRL friends will judge me and I don’t need any more damn drama in my life. It doesn’t really matter to me if internet people judge me, mostly people don’t care. I have made some amazing friends on the sites who I talk to regularly and share things with them that I’d never share with anyone of my close friends. I just kinda find it funny. Maybe it’s more of a “well who are they gonna tell anyways?” Because if I spill the beans and they tell people they know, those people don’t know me anyway. So it really doesn’t matter what strangers think of me, right? Well, just as long as I’m liked

So glad it’s Thursday tmw. Only two more days ’til the weekend. Once summer hits I’ll be done with my masters’, have a long summer to catch up on my life and hopefully take a vacay and then I’ll get a nice fat raise in fall when I go back to work how exciting. I’m really glad I went for the masters’. Even better that it’s for special ed. That’s where the moolah is.

There just aren’t enough hours in a day.

Do you ever think about the future?  not like your immediate future but the future as in life without you?  Do you wonder what things will be like for those you love after you die?  Do you wonder about what people will remember you for?  Do you wonder who will even give a shit and who won’t?

I guess I worry most about my son.  He has his own challenges and he really is a Momma’s boy in a sense.  I’m the only person in the world who really “GETS” him.   I hope that he overcomes his challenges and develops the skills he needs to be successful and happy.  I worry about his schooling and hope that if something should ever happen to me that he doesn’t give up and he goes on to college.  I know he is sooo dependant on me.  I often think I am too easy on him and need to let him do more for himself.

I want him to be happy.  It’s extremely important to me that he.  I hope that he can look back and say that I was a good mom to him.  I think that our children are the best ways to measure our real success in life.

I’ve always told people I know that when I kick the bucket that I want them all to have a huge ass party.  I don’t want one of those post-funeral gatherings that are all depressing and have neighbors bringing over food and stuff.  That’s so fuckin lame.  I think everyone should get together and have a “Abbie Was a Weirdo” party.  I’ll be pissed off if Gene Simmons gets to come to my party AFTER I kick the bucket (cough:stevesucksballsfornotellingme:cough).

And if I have a husband, boyfriend, ex husbands or whatever else, I hope they don’t sit around moping.  I hope that they would know I want them to be happy.  I would feel like the scum of the earth if they ever felt my death was a reason for them to not live.  If the tables were turned, I would hope my deceased husband/boyfriend would want me to be happy and able to move forward, even if it meant loving someone else.  That’s not a bad thing at all

Life goes on even after people die.  I hope the lives of those I love go on when I keel over.  And I hope that I brought some happiness to the people who I know and love who will die before I do. 

/end deep thoughts

Anyway, glad to see Angie made a post.  I think you’ll all like her.  She’s so mellow compared to steven and I

 

Well, I’m the spankin’ new she-blogger Abbie mentioned in her post early this morning. For those who don’t know me, I’m Angie from GWC/NNC (no I’m not a model). Geez, I’ve been at GWC since Steve first opened it; crazy long time. But anyways. I’ll post some interesting tidbits about me at a later time (possibly tonight).  Just thought I would introduce myself for the time being, get my feet wet. Give Abbie a ‘holla’ what’s girl :-p.

Just finished work and now I’m off to be the student. Oh the joys of getting a masters’ blah.

I was surfing while answering some emails and found this borat video.  I remember when Steven first introduced me to Borat and I hated him and thought he was completely stupid (and Ali G).  I didn’t like him at all, but eventually he grew on me.  I still don’t like the Ali G character, but I do like Borat.

Borat Gets a Massage - teehee.  I hadn’t seen this one before, so don’t tell me it’s old, even if it is. 

And to help take away the bad taste in your mouth, boys, here is a video of 3 college girls who are umm…nekkid and weird.

If it was up to Abbie, my life would revolve around her…ok that is all :)  I prolly just made it worse…haha.

WHATEVER, Steven.   I told you exactly why i was upset and you just didn’t like my reason.  I don’t understand what is so hard to get when I clearly indicate why I am upset with you.  Why do men do that?  They do the old “I don’t know why you are mad at me” routine.  Yet you have clearly indicated why you are upset or mad.  I don’t get it??  Maybe if you weren’t spending the time you are supposed to be talking to  me playing xbox or computer games or talking to morons and paying ME attention, then you would have heard why I was mad at you.  Ugh.

And in case you didn’t notice, your name is at the bottom of every post u make.  But once I get my claws on Miss Kate, I will have her help me do it up like we have it on the sites.  I also took out the auto-signature so if you wish to sign your blog at the end you can until I get Kate to tweak shit for me. 

Anyway, I had a very long day.  I had intended on sleeping early tonight but I’ve been getting slammed all over the place.  Everything from my phone to my email to my messengers seem to be working overtime tonight.  Damn all those foreign webmasters and models!  I think we should all be in the same time zone.  But this is the end of the month and this is my busy time.  Tomorrow morning I am spending with Daddy in the city.  We decided while the kidlettes are in school that we’d take some Daddy-Daughter time.  I’m looking forward to it.  We have both had a rough week.  Daddy’s really putting in a great deal of effort towards spending more “family time” with us.  I appreciate it more than he knows.

We went out this evening, the family and I, and had a nice dinner.  I ate too much salmon.  But I have an uber weakness for grilled salmon.  It makes me scarf it down.  I cannot resist.  As soon as I got home I regretted it though.  Normally I have no probs with salmon.  Red meat generally fucks up my stomach, but not salmon.  However, tonight the salmon decided to fuck with me.  I ate some zantac I borrowed and I was cured though.  That shit works good. 

So I added a new blogger here.  I’ve known her awhile now :)  I won’t say who she is.  I’ll let her introduce herself.  But I think ya guys will like her.  Plus she knows Steven and can put him in his place too.  Poor Steven will be the only guy blogger here unless someone comes to his rescue…cough:onix:cough:tracy:cough:ben:cough

I’m gonna get my beauty rest.  I know I don’t need it ;) 

~Abs