So yes,… I have deleted all my entries.

This doesn’t mean I’ll stop writing.  If I have something interesting or good to say, then I’ll still let it out here.  But right now is not a good time to have my thoughts on the web.

So last week I went to a pumpkin patch and got a bunch of medium size pumpkins for my students to paint or carve, whichever they liked. I had them on my porch because that’s where I’ve always put them. Well, I came home today from running errands and one of the pumpkins had a big bite mark on the top of it. So now I have to go back sometime this week, when I actually have time to go, and get another pumpkin because a damn squirrel decided he wanted to eat my pumpkin! The little bastard. That’s never happened to be in my entire life before. When I was a kid we used to leave the pumpkins outside forever and nothing ever happen to them.

Well anyways, other than that things are pretty good. Went shopping with my sweetie yesterday. Sweetest’s day, who needs it anyways. I don’t even think we said happy sweetest’s day to each other yesterday. It’s just another day anyways. We went to Woodfield Mall. I love that place I would live there if I could :). I bought my mom some things for her birthday. I got myself some new bras and a couple of candles. Then we went to dinner at Red Robin. Mmmm I love that place, best hamburgers ever :). Afterwards we came home and watched a couple movies and fell asleep. It was a pretty good day yesterday. I’m so happy things are better now. I missed being happy. The only thing is, I’m so worn out from working all day, being with her all night and trying to keep up with my ‘internet job’ lol. But it’s all good. I’m adjusting. I’m getting much less sleep now and it’s working out ok, thankfully.

I’ve been really into photography lately. I use my dslr all the time. I’m always toying around with the photos in Photoshop CS2 (still wanting CS3). I’m getting pretty good if I do say so myself. UGH last week I fucked up my monitor colors. I was all pissed off because the colors were horrid. So I tried to get it back to what I remembered it looking like and I finally did. Then today I printed a picture out and it was a little off from the color of my monitor so I had to readjust the monitor. Stupid Ang goes into the menu and RESETS the whole thing. Lol it was horrible. It took me a bit to get it where I want/need it. And now it matches the colors in the photo I printed, so that’s good.

I’m beat right now tho so I’m off to bed.

PS. I can’t STAND that Soulja Boy song. I want to kill the radio every time it’s on. UGH

Wow I didn’t realize it had been such a long time since my last entry. Lots going on since then. First of all I’m sick once again. This is the third day I’ve had to call in for a sub already this year. I don’t know what my problem is, I can’t seem to shake the bug that I have. But whatever I’ve been in bed all morning drinking tea and I’m starting to feel a bit better. I guess that’s the price you have to pay for hanging out with kids all day.

School is going well. My kids for the most part are sweethearts, two of the boys though keep talking about boobs during class lol boys will be boys I suppose. I have some fun activities planned for everyone for Halloween. I’m having them make haunted houses and jack’o lanterns from construction paper and I’ll be hanging them around the room for the Halloween party. Before the party there is a costume parade type thing where the kids all walk around the school, through the classrooms, to show off their costumes. I probably mentioned that before, but I think that’s my favorite part. I love to see what they come up with for their costumes. After the parade is over they come back to class and there’s lots of games, some candy and food. I’m still thinking about more games they can play but one of them is definitely a mummy rap with toilet paper lol. The first team to wrap someone completely like a mummy gets a prize, which I still haven’t decided on yet, I have to go shopping still. There will probably be “guess what it is” games too where they reach into a box and try to guess what whatever is in the box is. A halloween theme of course (eyeballs brains rat etc).

Things on the love front are actually getting better. We had a huge fight and since then things seemed to have died down a bit.  I told her we need to get back to how we used to be and she told me she didn’t think we could get back there, but we had to move on. But IMO I feel like we’re getting there, she said the other day she thinks we can too, so that made me happy. It’s just the little things that I need. I know I need her attention all the time. But I think that’s partly because I’m afraid of her straying again. I’ve been trying really hard with the whole jealousy thing. I still get hella jealous but I just try not to say anything about it. Or I’ll bitch to someone about it instead of yelling at her. I have MAJOR trust issues not just with her but with everyone. I don’t trust anyone outside of my family. It seems like whenever I have opened myself up to trusting someone I’ve always gotten hurt so I just close myself up.

I told her the other day I feel like I love her too much. Not for me, but for her. I feel like I’m smothering her but I think it’s because I want her to really see that I want this. I don’t honestly know what I’d do without her. For a while I know I was mad and I wanted to walk away but I’m so glad that I didn’t. I can honestly say that she’s it for me, there’s nothing else I need more in my life than I need her.

Anyways. Yesterday after work I decorated the house for Halloween. Maybe I’ll take a couple pix and post them but I dunno yet. It’s sort of plain, next year I decided I’m gonna buy different things to put in the front yard. It was so nice to decorate yesterday tho. It was fall weather (cold and cloudy) I loved it! I think that might be why I’m sick again today tho :(. As much as I love Halloween I can’t wait to decorate for Christmas. I LOVE Christmas. I love everything about it. The cold weather, snow (if we’re lucky) the smell of the cold crisp air, the smells in the houses (cooking, baking, warmth) the lights/decorations, the music. Everything. When Christmas comes around I’m like a little kid again. I find myself constantly smiling, so much so that my cheeks hurt lol.

Well I’m gonna get back in bed now and try to kick whatever the hell is wrong with me.

I knew we would get back together. We went for coffee tonight, she talked, I cried…which was a complete role reversal. I’m usually the talker, she’s usually the crier, but oh well. I’ve been totally stressed and way emotional lately. Anyways, we are going to really try to work through this….huge bump in the road. I honestly cannot see my life without her; I thought I could, but I can’t. I’m such a girl. I told her it would be wise of her to probably decline any type of invitation out for at least the next week so we can REALLY focus on getting us back on track. And I would do the same. So I will keep y’all up to date on what’s going on. That’s all for tonight.

Well I’m back to teaching now. I can honestly say I think this is going to be a good year. I have good kids, I’m not taking classes anymore, I can just focus on my job now. I guess it’s a big early to tell though, about the kids I mean. They all start out pretty good but when they get comfortable they get bratty lol. But we shall see how that goes. Hopefully they stay good.

On the love front; well we broke up this weekend. I feel like I’m going in slow motion. The whole weekend feels like a complete blur, I don’t even remember how it happened. It’s been really weird though, our relationship. We haven’t seen each other in a month, then we did go out for a bit last week, saw Superbad (fucking hilarious). Then another day we went and got coffee. Things felt a bit awkward. But so much has been going on it’s ridiculous. I wish I felt like telling all right now. But basically we had been fighting, she is a lot less caring than she ever was. It’s like she can take me or leave me. Then she went out of town, and didn’t think to tell me until a day or two before she left; but claims that she told me. I remember everything, I wouldn’t forget her telling me she was gonna be going out of town. But anyways, I hadn’t seen her for a while after that, up until last week. And even though things were feeling kind of awkward between us, I thought we were maybe just at a bump in the road and it would take a bit to get over it.

Obviously I was wrong, seeing as how we broke up this weekend. We were fighting the entire weekend, all day Saturday, Sunday and now not talking at all today. There was a point where I thought we would be better off if we just parted ways; I thought I could handle that, but I really think now that I was wrong. I do love her, I’m still very much in love with her but I wish we could get back to where we used to be. I don’t foresee that happening, unfortunately. But hey maybe time will tell. I don’t know if I’m going to see her anymore as friends or anything. But if we do end up being at the same place at the same time, who knows, lightning could strike again. Maybe a break is just what we need. Then again…maybe this is really it. If so, I hope we’re both able to move on quickly; no suffering. Look at me, I’m being such a girl, ugh. It would be so much easier to just be a man, they don’t have feelings…at least 98% of them don’t.

Other than that…not much going on, I like my mom staying at my house, it’s been nice I’ve really missed having her around since I moved out. But I think she’ll be going back home soon :(.

I feel like time is going by too fast. I know I’m still young but I feel like my life is just passing me by. I don’t know what would make me happy anymore. I wish I knew.

I know I haven’t blogged here in awhile.  Many things in my life are changing and family has taken a priority for me right now.  For that reason, I’ve decided to be a bit more private in my blogging.  This doesn’t mean I am not going to blog anymore on here, as I am sure I will.  I promise to pop up and blog here now and then…and Angie and Kevin are still here…hell, i may even add a few more peeps.

But for the time being, I am going to keep the personal/private blogging to my personal myspace.

http://myspace.com/skankable

Add me and subscribe to my RSS there if I know you.  It’s friends only and locked down :)  If you are amongst the “speshul” you can have access.

But I”ll pop on here now and then to post some crazy shit ;) 

Also, if anyone else wants to use this blog, just let me know!

Well it’s been quite a while since I updated. I’ve been pretty busy with my house, still working on remodeling the bathrooms, almost done with that tho. I’ve been having to work with my sister because she’s short handed and completely swamped in work, so at least I’m making use of myself this summer lol. I’ve been fighting with her again and it’s gotten pretty bad.

She got 4 free tickets to a Chicago White Sox game for this coming tuesday, from a customer of hers. After everything I’ve done for her…it would’ve been nice to be ASKED to go to the game…knowing I love baseball and everything. But no, she gives a ticket to her dad (totally understandable) her asshole brother (not so understandable) and her brothers friend (COMPLETELY not understandable). And I got left high and dry. Last weekend I bought both of use new cell phones…when I could’ve just bought myself one and said fuck you buy your own; common courtesy would’ve been to give me a ticket. It’s not like I’m asking her to pay for it, they were free! WTF?!

So I found out about that Wednesday…and I’ve been mad ever since. I’m tired of her using and walking all over me. I told her she’s the most selfish and inconsiderate person I know…She’s like no I’m not, ask anybody. So I said, yeah I could ask anybody and they’ll say you’re not; but I know the REAL you and you use and walk all over me. I’m so fucking tired of it, I almost left completely and washed my hands of her. But I know as soon as I’m not mad anymore, I’m gonna want her back, because I’m stupid.

Last night we went to the bar (me, her, and Lori and Gina). She drove three of us there, Gina drove herself and met us there a bit later. Well it’s a good thing she did because there I was sitting at the bar watching the Sox game and getting ignored by her and our friend. So I’m like wtfever and just sat there minding my business. Gina shows up and we start to get our drink on and I’m finally loosening up and laughing and having a good time…but still getting ignored. So we moved to sit on the other side of her and tried to talk to her…she would answer and then turn away and talk to Lori again. I was like dude, what are YOU mad at me for. So I had a couple more drinks and by that time I think I was at about 9 Atomic Kamikazes and feeling really good…dizzy but really good. After that, we paid and went to play air hockey for a bit and I remembered I owed Gina a drink from last time. So we go back to the bar, I get her a beer and me another Kamikaze finish it, turn to her and tell her to buy me a drink…only to hear Lori start bitching about me drinking so much. What the fuck business of it is hers anyways? I wasn’t driving, I was having a great time with Gina, I wasn’t hurting anyone.

So I sit there for a minute and get mad about EVERYTHING again give her back her money and say I don’t need shit from you…and walked out of the bar. All three of them are running after me at this point. I finally get outside and stand on the curb stiff as a board and they finally catch up to me and she starts bitching at me like you don’t need to be mad at Lori she’s just worried about you and I COMPLETELY go off on Lori and her because it’s NEITHER of their business how much I had to drink…I paid for my shit all night and asked for ONE drink and it was a big deal? It’s completely fine with them when I get drunk with just them but because Gina was there last night; it wasn’t okay anymore. I was having fun with someone else, oh no, better not let her have another drink!

It still feels surreal…I feel like I didn’t really happen. I admit I was pretty drunk but I could carry myself, I wasn’t slurring, falling down drunk or anything, I felt good for a change ya know? And that had to get ruined because Lori said something and it made me completely mad at her again because all those feelings came back to me. So by the end of the fight in the parkinglot I was screaming at her to give me my house keys and asked Gina to take me home. I was so glad I called her up to come with because she turned out to be my salvation last night.

I’ve never been an angry drunk I’m usually the life of the party, always making everyone laugh…but last night I turned into my dad. And I never want to see that side of myself again. I may have had too much to drink *i had a dozen by the end of the night I think* but it was MY choice. I’m a grown woman if I want to drink and I end up getting sick, that’s my fucking problem, I made my bed I will lay in it. I obviously wasn’t drunk enough to lose at air hockey lol I won twice, I had my wits about me, I knew where I was going what I was doing. I didn’t even wake up hungover…So IMO I was fine…other than being angry.

After I got home I was sitting in the kitchen with my sister telling her about everything while crying my eyes out to her, and she would not stop calling my cell phone trying to get me to talk so finally when I got in bed I called her back and we talked for 2 hours about everything…it seems to be somewhat resolved so I guess that’s a good thing…

I may have to stop drinking though, I don’t want to turn out like my dad :’(

Yes, Steve is a very bad influence on me.  He corrupts me with porn, threatens to shave my head (coming from a guy who shaves his eyebrows), turns my camgirls into deviants, and now he’s forced me to tune into the newest VH1 reality show.  Of course, it didn’t take too much to persuade me because it features my beloved Bret Michaels.  If you don’t know who Bret Michaels is, then I suggest you google his sexy fine ass (omg his ass in jeans…mmmmmmm!).   Did I mention he made a sex video with Pam Anderson?  Don’t Click This! or this!  Nice cock.

So anyway, I tuned into VH1 to check out the first episode of “Rock of Love“.  I did notice that Bret has put on a few pounds.  He used to be super skinny back in the OLD days of Poison.  Now he’s thicker and I like it lots!!  He’s not fat or anything, but just thicker.  He still has that sexy long hair that looks like it hasn’t been washed in weeks.  I’ve always had a fetish for guys with long hair.  I seem to have extremes.  I like bald guys with goatees and I like long hair on some guys.  I’m reaaaaaaaaaaaally picky about long hair on guys because I don’t think all men can pull it off….however, Bret pulls it off quite nicely.  He looks great.

I loved that his buddy / bodyguard BigJohn instantly picked out five girls to leave before the show even kicked into gear.  I knew right away he was sending those girls away.  They were all busted in the face.  It was obvious.  But then the pussy let that skanky crack ho, Tiffany, come back.  Of course she’s the most obnoxious in the bunch.  Anyone else notice a pattern here?  The most obnoxious bitches on these “love” shows on VH1 are named TIFFANY (as in Miss New York the skank). 

For the most part, the girls are all skanky, fake-tittied, blonde barbie wanna be’s.  There are two that I really do like though.  They seem the most “real” of the bunch.  I like Cindy (aka Rodeo) and Jes.  Cindy is a single mom with a 7 yr old son who’s been through some struggles and come out wonderfully.  Jes was wicked cool because she wasn’t one of the hoochies literally throwing herself at Bret and molesting him.  She sat down with him and had a decent convo.  Bret noticed her “wall”.  I like her “wall”.  I think she’s genuine and not trying to feed off of Bret’s fame to a certain degree.  You can read about all of the girls here.

 I guess now I’ll have to suffer through another stupid celeb-reality show.  It’ll be kinda like watching camgirls killing each other in a sense.  I feel your pain, Bret!

I’m still slackin on blogging as you can see.  The house and trying to catch up on work are both keeping me rather busy.  I’ve edited more videos than I care to think about this week.  I did finally get the new Adobe Premiere CS3 and After Effects CS3 so it’s been nice tinkering with that.  Adobe is finally starting to realize that not everyone has gone to school for video editing and is making things a bit easier.  I first noticed the improvements a couple months ago with the new Photoshop CS3.  I wish I had time to take classes on video editing.  I actually enjoy it but I don’t have a schedule that would allow me to become a pro. 

The landscaping is looking awesome.  It’s come together nicely.  I need to get out there and take some pix soon.  I’m really impressed with the landscapers I used.  They were very hard workers and were out here every day by 7am working.  They listened to everything I said and gave me some great input and ideas.  Things now are finally looking like I want them too.  We have to wait on a few plants / trees to come in from the nursery, but outside of that it’s beautiful.

Since moving into this house, my new puppy has discovered her voice box.  It’s rather annoying.  She barks at every little thing.  Whether it’s something indoors or outdoors, she’s yapping away at stuff.  It’s making me nuts!  Even at night while we are sleeping, something will make the smallest of noises and she’ll start up with her yapping.  I wanna kill her!  I’ve been trying to do some reading online about how to “unyap” the lil shit so I’m hoping we can break her of this soon before I end up having her stuffed and put on the mantle.  She’s a great puppy and her training with my son is going well, but the yapping is getting to me big time.  I’m open to suggestions!

I think we are going to go see the new Harry Potter movie today.  It’s 138 minutes long.  I just hope the spawn can handle it.  I’m a bit reluctant to take him since I’ve heard this movie is more “adult” in nature, but I guess we’ll see what happens.  He made it through the Transformers movie okay so I should give him some credit.  I need to get my hiney over and buy him the entire series of books.  He can’t quite read them very well yet, but as he gets older I think they’d be a great item for him to have.

I am now all moved into the new house.  It was one hell of a move.  I am sooo glad its over and done.   Now the real fun begins in putting this place together.  I had a housekeeping crew come in and clean out the place as it was soooo dusty in here.  Then I had different landscapers come in for some estimates.  I looks like I’m going to drop about $10,000 on landscaping alone.  All i can do is think about all the shoes I could have gotten with $10k!  It hurt me to write that check today.  bye bye fall shoe collection *sniffle*

Now I have to deal with a few minor contractor issues around this place.  Just little things that don’t work or are funky.   I also have a bunch of new furniture coming in this month as well.  It’s depressing how much money I have put into this house already and I’ve only lived here for 4-5 days now.  I am watching my bank accounts shrink by the moment.  I keep telling myself it’s worth it. 

The spawn is loving this place.  He’s now got his own official game room.  It’s rigged up already.  He’s got a brand new 42 inch sony tv hanging up and ready to go on Wii, PS3, and Xbox.  He’s also got his air hockey table, entertainment system, and more all set up.  It’s funny how the game room was set up before anything else in this house.  Hell, even his bedroom isn’t finished coming together. 

My office is slowly coming together.  It’s soooo nice having an office with more privacy while at the same time being able to keep an eye on the main part of the house to see where the spawn is and what he is up to.  I don’t have to get up and keep running out of my office in the middle of something every time i hear a noise.  I also have the intercom system throughout the house as well and I can listen in hehe.

It’s kicking my ass big time to try and get this house together as well as catch up on work.  I am sooooooooooo fucking behind now its insane.  I’m trying to keep up with the current work on top of all of that.  I have trips to plan, shoots to plan, and a calendar project to work on that are making things even more difficult for me right now.  Fortunately, we have some trustworthy photographers who will now be working with us on  a fulltime basis it seems.  Both are very talented.  This will certainly simplify things as well as bring some consistency and comfort to the table for our models. 

I will post some pix and write more later on.  I’m pretty wiped out … but i had to let everyone know i was still alive.  I know one or two of you care hehe.